Relieved from Duty
by dellerovere
Summary: Shepard doesn't deal well with being relieved from duty. (Shoker/Unrequited Shega, trigger warning because it's pretty dark.)


"Sir, she's not doing well."

"Oh, is that your clinical opinion?"

"Watch the footage- she barely eats, barely sleeps. When she does, she screams all night."

"Are uncomfortable in your role, Lieutenant?"

"No sir, not requesting a transfer, requesting permission to use sedatives, if necessary."

"Has she proven violent? Endangered you? We've removed all sharp objects, bolted the others down due to the lamp incident. "

"No sir."

"Request denied. War criminals should not expect comfort. Her sentence is already too generous…"

"Understood, Sir."

"That will be all, Lieutenant". He salutes, exiting the office, mulling his options. _Mierda_, he knew it had been a long shot, but this was _her_ they were talking about. Collins had to see that. After all she'd done, she deserved to at least be able to sleep. Still, Collins' irrational bias persisted, like he almost enjoyed watching her suffer. Watch your tongue, _pendejo, _ you need to stay assigned to her. At least you can do that.

"Thought you deserved somethin' special."

Cumin? Jalapeños? Lime? She raises her head from the pillow, nose sniffing, opening her stinging eyes. She frowns when she sees the bulky silhouette. He brings the plate toward her, and, she has to admit, her stomach growls. "You like huevos rancheros?" he asks, offering her the plastic spoon. _Don't look at me like that. Like you give a damn what I like. What I want._ A part of her knows it's not his fault, just an obedient soldier following orders, hell, being nicer than he should. But inside she's screaming, her throat still too sore to do it for real. You think I don't know what's in that? How long has it been that she's been able to see that blue glow emanating from her hand? They've got her either way. "It's not the usual grey slop, anyway" he says, looking at her intensely. _Does he mean.._. she begrudgingly accepts the spoon, carefully taking a tiny bite. Flavors blossom over her tongue, overwhelming her palate, _damn, that's good_. She takes another bite, smushing it against the roof of her mouth, it tastes…real. Wetness pools in her eyes. "Did I overdo the jalapeño?" _He cooked this?_ _No, no, no. Not him. _She wipes her face, taking a deep breath, not wanting to fall apart in front of him. She stands up, too soon, unsteady. He begins to get up.

"Jesus, I just have to pee. You gonna watch me do that too now?"

"I'll leave this here then, if you want to have more later."

"Do what you want."

"Press the button if you need anything else."

She closes the door to the bathroom, sits on the toilet, hears the door to the studio shut. She stays there a long time, sobbing into the thin towel, not noticing the faint blue flicker illuminating her hand.

_I can't do this much longer. Where are they? Where is he?_

She squints at the calendar. Day 66. 66 days wasted. How much longer before she hears buildings, cities disintegrate under red lasers? Hears guttural howls mixed with screams outside her door? She bangs her head against the wall; once, twice, three times.

_Something, just give me something. _ _So I can hold on. _ _If anyone is there, out there…keep him safe. Not me, I don't need to be saved. Just, please. Please, protect him. Wherever he is. _

_They're coming. She's sure of it. He's not. No one is. She'll be damned if she has to sit there, helpless, knowing they're all being slaughtered, eviscerated, impaled, turned into husks._

"Looks like we'll have meat on your bones, yet." She sips the soup, smokiness on her tongue. She forces it down, pretending to enjoy it. "Thanks. This helps." He smiles, satisfied at the recognition of his efforts. _What an idiot. _ Well, she's always been a good liar. Shouldn't blame him. "Dinner's at 18:00" "You know where to find me."

Finally. She's eating, talking, even being sarcastic. It's the most he's seen her eat in a while. Maybe he can find something she'll like even better for dinner.

_There now, easy. _ Her wrists are beginning to turn purple. She bites her lip as the skin slowly parts, her eyes fixed on the red liquid that streams through the blue mist.

It isn't much, but he thinks she'll like it. He catches himself whistling as he makes his way to her quarters, greeting people as he passes, slapping their shoulders. He's early, much earlier than he should be, but his timing was off on the flan, it won't be half as good in an hour, assuming it survives in the fridge that long. He knocks "Dinner's here." No answer. Not that she usually does. He carefully balances the plates on one arm as he unlocks the door, his arm momentarily blazing orange. "And dess…." the plates crash to the floor, red juice from the steak swirling into the puddle of custard as he takes in the blood-soaked mattress. He shakes her, her head lolling to either side. "Jeff?" she murmurs " is that you?" he applies the gel he always carries with him, but it's not enough, barely closes the skin. "I… tried. Held on as long as I cou…" _mierda_, she's lost so much. "Hang in there, _Lola_" he says, using the nickname she doesn't know he has for her. What he calls her in his head. "Just stay with me." Her head rolls back, eyes closed "Jeff, they're coming. Find the ship….leave… " He's sprinting down the hallway, a rag doll in his arms. "You were right…always right.. we shouldn't have come ba.." her head drops onto his shoulder. His other arm smashes into the door, ramming it open with his elbow, breaking it into pieces as he places her on a cot and frantically looks for the blood that's kept here for transfusions. His hands close around a bag, cold and squishy, _please be the right type_, he thinks, as he hooks it into a vein in her arm. "What are you doing in here? You're not authorized to.. " the medic brakes off as she sees the blanched form on the cot. "I see. Is that the right type?" He shrugs wordlessly, blinded by the salt in his eyes. "I'll pull up her records." He wipes his face with his arm. "Congratulations, you got lucky." _ Jesú, Maria, José _. His hands are at his face, eyes unbelieving. "She'll be okay. By a hair's breadth, but she'll survive." He exhales, unable to remember the last time he breathed. _Don't scare me like that, Lola. _He shakes his head. _Why didn't you tell me? _"There's a chair over there, if you'd like to wait." He nods, eyes not leaving the closed ones on the cot, sinking into the chair. _Not again, not again. I can't lose anyone else. _

"Hey, did you hear about Commander .. I mean Shepard?" the solider, a girl really, behind him asks her fellow guard. They keep switching his guards. Whatever. Maybe these ones'll stick, not be grossed out or whatever. Fuck if he cares. At least he's on the ship.  
"Shh, it's classified. Besides, we're not supposed to talk in front of him." The other solider stage-whispers. "It's classified, or you just don't know?" he asks, turning back from the display in what is purportedly going to be some kind of comm center. "You heard us?" the girl blushes. "Yeah, I can fucking hear. Sheesh. " Both soldiers look around the room, avoiding eye contact with him. Finally, the girl mumbles

"I heard she's okay now, don't worry."

"She's okay NOW? You HEARD?" _Rae, what happened? Where are you?_

"I told you we shouldn't have said anything!"

"My uncle said she's under heavy surveillance, sedated."

"SEDATED?"

she looks down at the floor, wringing her hands.. "well, they had to, didn't they, after she tried…"

_Rae, what did you do? What have they done to you? We never should've come back, but you had to do the whole hero thing, huh? _

"Don't tell him! Jesus!"

_Shit, what happened? _ He takes a breath, and even though he's screaming inside, says calmly, looking directly at the girl "You may have noticed, but I'm not really a danger to anyone. You can tell me what happened." _Please, please tell me. Tell me it wasn't a big deal. Just a misunderstanding. Tell me she's okay. _ The other soldier gives her a look of warning, but she opens her mouth anyway. _Thank god._ "Maybe you should sit down."

_What the fuck happened? _ _Easy, don't frighten her off. _"I can take it."

"Okay. The guard who was bringing her dinner found her. She was… covered in blood."

_Rae, what did you do? Babe, what did you try? What the fuck happened? Not you, you wouldn't… _ "I ..fuck" he6says, out of words, shaking his head, trying to erase the mental image. His girl, who'd fought so long and hard for others, for him, she'd just… He couldn't even begin think about it. "No, I've got to.. see her. I need to.. talk to her. Find out what really happened. That's not what happened. She wouldn't… " he says, rapidly shaking his head, hands covering his face.

"JEFF, ARE YOU ALRIGHT?"

He doesn't answer.

"You're on your own with this one, it's your mess" says the other guard, leaving him with the girl. She stands there, unsure of what to do, then awkwardly tries to hug him.

"What the fuck?" he says brushing her arm away as he starts to climb the stairs, grabbing the railing, pulling himself up with his arm.

"MY SENSORS TELL ME YOU ARE DISTRESSED. HOW CAN I BE OF ASSISTANCE?"

"I don't … FUCK!" he says, landing on the top stair with a slight wince. _You needed me and I wasn't there. I tried. I couldn't get to you. Couldn't. fucking. Get. there. _

"Look, I can.. walk you by her room, okay? That's all I can do." the girl says tentatively.

"Thanks, that would be…good." _I'm coming. I just need to see you. Even if I can't do anything else. Shit, Rae. What's happened to you?_

She's breathing. Thank god. The parts of her arms that aren't bandaged are pierced with needles, myriad tubes winding back to bags filled with liquids that drip slowly into her veins. _Rae. My poor sweet girl. I wasn't there. I couldn't protect you. It wasn't enough. Again. _As he passes the room, going as slowly as he can, the solider guarding her looks up, a flash of recognition on his face, motioning for him to come in.

"I'll guard the door. Be quick." says the girl.

_Thank god._

The soldier salutes him. "She's been asking for you. I'll just…" he points to the door, patting his shoulder, shaking his head, joining the girl outside.

He takes her hand; it's cool in his. "Rae." His voice cracks, his face crumpling. "I'm here." She opens her eyes slightly.

"Hey. You're safe?" she asks sleepily

"I'm safe."

"I want you to be safe."

He manages to form words: "What happened?"

"I felt so..helpless.. I …tried but I couldn't… they're…coming…I couldn't just sit there and watch it…happen..." she pauses, clears her throat weakly before continuing, "everyone… I…love...couldn't ….save…you."

Tears are streaming down his face, attempts to subdue them long forgotten. "I'll be.. okay.. just… you… stay safe.. okay?"

There's a knock on the door; time's up.

"I will."

" Promise me you won't try again though, okay?" Words he'd hoped never to say to anyone again. "They'll come to their senses… they have to. I love you. I'll see you soon, okay? I'll figure out how to get us out. There must be something I haven't tried."

"They..got you…too? I thought…"

_Rae. You didn't know? You thought… _"I've never stopped trying. I never will."

Another knock, more frantic.

"I love you so, so much."

"You too."

"I'll see you soon." He says, placing her hand gently on the mattress, hoping rather than believing his words to be true.

"You… and ..me."

"Always."

"I'm so…sorry."

"You're okay, that's all that matters. See you soon."

"Soon." She mumbles, a light smile fading onto her lips. He wipes his face with his arm, takes a breath and then opens the door. "Thanks." He says to them both. They both salute. "Take care of her for me" he says to her guard.

"With everything I've got" the soldier responds.

He looks back at the room as the girl cuffs him, leading him away. Behind them, he hears sets of footsteps approaching her door.

"No one's be in here, Lieutenant, have they?"

"No, sir just me and the medics."

_Thank god there are still some decent bastards out there_. He shakes his head as he's escorted down the corridor. _I'll figure out something. You just see. _


End file.
